Big Baby-maker!

RECEIVED APRIL 4th 2008:
"FROM": Consuelo Martinez Your wife loves big baby-maker but the problem is that you have small one.

Dont worry! You have astonishing chance to solve this problem.

At present you can enlarge your dummy size.

You will be a king of bed for sure.

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Hello Consuelo,

I'm afraid your email doesn't make a lot of sense so let's take this one step at a time.

First of all I’m not married. I wouldn’t want some attractive lady catching me reading your email on the bus and thinking “should I talk to him? Oh shit, he’s married.”

Baby-maker is quite a nice euphemism for a penis. I am in fact quite happy with the size of my penis. I understand that size can be judged relatively but I do not think the size of my penis could be considered a problem by anyone.

The biggest problem with this sentence is the lack of the letter “A”. Please observe how it should have read -

“Your wife loves a big baby-maker but the problem is you have a small one.”

Isn’t that much better? Let’s move onto the second sentence.

You will notice you are missing an apostrophe (or a “ ‘ “ ) in the word Don’t. The apostrophe replaces the letter “ o “ in “Do not”.

In your third sentence you make the same mistake you made in your first sentence except this time you do it with an “ an “. An “ an “ is a lot like an “A ” except you put the “ n “ in because the first letter of the word after it is a vowel. This makes it easier to pronounce (do you speak English or just write it?).

So, those two sentences should read –

“Don’t worry! You have an astonishing chance to solve this problem.”

I suppose your next sentence is true. My penis is currently flaccid and if I think erotic thoughts in will enlarge.

”At present you can enlarge your dummy size.”

Here I have taken “dummy” as another penis euphemism. This is not a euphemism I would use. In the UK are Ireland "dummy" is used as slang for a child’s pacifier and mixing these two items up could find you rightfully murdered.

I am impressed you managed to use the letter “ a “ correctly in your final sentence

“You will be a king of bed for sure.”

This sentence does work in a fashion - I feel as if you are talking directly to me! See what a difference an “ a “ makes? (That last sentence is funny if you listen to a lot of music. Music is a good way to learn English Consuelo.)

I wish you the best of luck with all your future scams.

Best regards,

XXXXXX XXXXX